Saturday, February 16, 2013

Why Does Love Hurt?

Many people believe that love is a sensation that generates when Mr. or Mrs. right appears.... no wonder so many people are single. Many people approach a relationship either consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation based on physical and emotional attraction that magically/spontaneously generates when that special person appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic just isn't there anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of love. The key word is passivity. The sad consequence of this misconception is: "There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations and yet, which fails so regularly, as love." Love is the attachment that results in deeply appreciating another's goodness. See what we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence and talent (all of which counts for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love. Trust Me! If that person doesn't see the same goodness in you, love is not possible because it really takes two to love. I like to say give and receive. Remember a person can't love if they don't want to be loved. Love is a choice, if love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen--you can make it happen, love is active. You can create it. Just focus on the good in another. If you can do this easily you'll love easily but will be venerable to a lot of fake love in return and also pain. Obviously, there is a far distance between personal love and unconditional love. See unconditional love is rooted from within.... only a person who captures your true love will receive it...because you see the true goodness in them. Actions affect feelings. How can you deepen your love for someone? Actions affect our feelings the most. If you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts will be a start. Giving ultimately is the key. While most people think that love leads to giving.... the truth is actually the total opposite, giving leads to love. The first action of giving is care, demonstrating the active concern for a person’s life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to their expressed and unexpressed needs, esp. emotional needs. The third is respect, the ability to see a person as they really are, to be aware of their unique individuality and consequently, wanting that person to grow and unfold as they are. These three actions all depend on the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know them. The effect of genuine giving is profound. It allows you into another person’s world and opens you up to receiving their goodness. At the same time, it means investing a part of yourself in the other, enabling to love that person as you love yourself. In conclusion love is also a behavior, a relationship thrives when two partners are committed to behaving lovingly through continual, unconditional giving-- not only saying, "I love you" but showing it! See, in the end love is really overrated and inexplicable. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that your need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season! LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime. REDEMPTION.

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